Last week, I got a call from a sister desperate to see her husband saved. She had married him because she thought he was a Christian, only to realize that he was a Christian by name and not in action. Her ailing story went on from one distress story to another. It’s not a new story; I get to hear this in nearly every country I’ve visited. Some have great testimonies but bad endings. The truth is what you do as a true believer can save the marriage.

Here are few things that you should keep in mind while you minister God’s love to your spouse:

Strong Love

I know you’ve heard this before but the fact of the matter is that love is the key to your spouse seeing the truth of Jesus in you. Spirituality should not stop you from candlelight dinners. Guard your heart from the self-righteous spirit. Your partner might be in the wrong boat but remember Jesus still loves your partner, too. Your uncompromised love for Jesus, underlined with strong love towards your husband or wife is certain to create an impact. Your heart to honour and love your spouse will be the way that the light of Jesus will shine into your family. It can sometimes be a challenge but this way, you learn to die to self everyday (1 Corinthians 13: 4-5).

Prayerful Patience

I’ve come across some people who are so desperate to see their spouse saved that in that process, they end up overdoing things to such an extent that their spouse withdraw or shut themselves to God. Nonstop talk about Jesus at breakfast, lunch and dinner is not the best way to communicate God’s love. Some of them, from the frustration of not seeing their spouse in the Lord, provoke their partner at every instance which not only will push them away from God but even bring about irritation at the mention of any godly subject brought up in the house. What you really need, is to take it slow. Pray over it before you even try to share the word. Ask God to give you the right opportunity. Stay sensitive to the situation through the Spirit. It is the Lord who causes hearts to open. So, you must be working on your knees than with your tongue.

Action Speak Louder

You will never be able to communicate Christ, if your actions conflict what Christ has taught. Strive to subdue every carnal nature that does not glorify Jesus. Show the servant heart of Jesus through your life. Guard your heart from vain ego and competition. Avoid godless chatter or or gossip that does not reflect Christ through you. Say ‘No’ to any other kinds of worship other than Jesus with all humility.

Appreciate

Irrespective of your beliefs, you are the greatest support to your spouse. Make sure to appreciate the hard work of your spouse. Learn to speak encouraging words. Remember, there is life and death in your words. Celebrate the successes of your spouse. Verbal affirmation is as powerful as your godly actions. Believe me, everyone needs that affirmation. They need to know that you appreciate their efforts made for the family.

Believe Without Doubt

I know of a few people who have seen their partner come to Jesus with an overnight encounter. I’ve seen others come to the Lord after a decade or more. Either way, it is your duty that while you serve on one hand; on the other, you must seek God for your partner’s soul. Apply the blood of Jesus on your partner’s life and everything they come in contact with. You must spend much time with the word of God so that your faith can soar atop the promises of God. Do not grow cold or withdraw from the presence of God as that is your only hope.

Wise Warfare

Now you must know what the devil has in my mind. The devil will try the best from you spouse knowing the Lord. He may even use your spouse against you. You must also realize that even though everything may seem normal on the outside, there is a war in the invisible realm. As your spouse does not trust in the Lord, he could open windows for the enemy to enter. So, it is important that you guard your house in prayer daily. To take it lightly is to allow the enemy to sow all kinds of evil seeds into your partner’s life, thoughts and heart.

This must be a battle won with prayers. So sometimes when your partner reacts unreasonably, remember that this is a spiritual battle and this must be won in your prayers. More than just praying with words, persevere praying in the Spirit. Spend time worshiping God in your house, paving way for the glory of God to increase in your house which will cause a visible change in the atmosphere of your house. Continue to be in prayer and also be conscious about the possible spirit of depression or discouragement that may try to attack you. Be alert about the warfare that is on the relationship and it will keep you away from getting tangled in unwanted arguments.

I would love to hear from you below. Is there anything you can add to these points? Share this post with someone you can be a blessing to.

Guarding The Heart [GTH]

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  • Mala

    Wow! Very well written Shyju. This is the truth of God’s word, adding on to it is the unbeliever spouse is sanctified because of Justified spouse Co 7:14 for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; else your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. The unbelievers spouse need not worry too, because there blessed assurance from God’s word they sanctified. Ecc 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in His time;.
    Amen This only way to STOP the enemy attracting marriages.
    Divorce is not the solution needs the church to stand by them in prayer too.
    Your article principle works had seen many of my friend marriage restore
    Truly I STAND BY IT, tenacity to pray with the couple until it comes to pass
    never give up.

    God Bless You Sir.:)

    Amen Divorce is not the solution needs the church to stand by them in prayer too.
    Your article principle works had seen many of my friend marriage restore, truly I STAND BY IT, tenacity to pray with the couple until it comes to pass never give up.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      amen, i agree.

  • Nethura

    Great Blog! Encouraging! Promising! This can go for those who are single/married that have families (mothers/fathers/sibilings/in-laws) that are unbelievers. The LORD gives many opportunities and I believe this is one of them. Thank You for taking the time to write this. May GOD BLESS you & your family as he continue to use you in many ways to reach out to his children!

    GOD BLESS

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      Yea just noticed that. True. Good feedback.

  • Samuel M Raj

    Thanx four wonderful message for this week brother.
    “So, you must be working on your knees than with your tongue.” Its really TRUE.Prayer life will bring changes in ur spouse life.This wont happen just like that un till u soak yourself in Prayer. Soak urself like JESUS (this is also a part of ur madurai camp message ).I have seen n heard many testimonies that, prayer has changed their partners life.I would like to add the following along with ur points.

    God expect his people to beareth fruit (John.15.2) and in psalm 1.3 says “that bringeth forth his fruit in his season “ fruit in his season refers to the situation and the place where u are now.if your spouse makes you to get angry or the situation makes u to get anger.that’s the season whr u can bringeth ur fruit like longsuffering, gentleness (Galathians5:22,23.).Remember one thing,Every difficult situation u come across is the opportunity or the season for u to beareth the spiritual fruit for Jesus.By your fruits your partner will come to Jesus.

    Soak yourself in Jesus.then u can show jesus to your partner and to this world to bring the souls for his kingdom.

    Joseph is a fruitful bough (Gen.49.22).May God help u all to bringeth forth fruit for him.

    God blees you and ur ministry abundantly

    With Love
    SAM

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      Praise God, God bless you.

  • Deborah Madona

    If we get spiritually fattened and say "I love you Jesus", and yet, if loving the man we married is so difficult then we NEVER loved Jesus in the first place. Because in our quite time loving Jesus makes us love who He loves. I learned one thing from drawing near to the Cross, we leave the world when we draw nearer to the Cross. It strips us off EGO, Irritation, ets; 1Cor13 Love is what we need. The love with which Christ loved this world. More than a theoretical understanding we need to experiencially love Jesus, which will happen only at His Feet! Be blessed Evangelist Shyju MAthew. God has great things in store for His people through you. May your steps be sprinkled with the Blood of Jesus.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      THank you for the thoughts.

  • http://www.mathewsnuggets.blogspot.com binsurobinson

    Wow !!! I have lots of friends in the same Boat :D and I think uer post is just apt !!! let me share this with them too … Good one bro..was a long time in coming.. marital strife is rampant ..and i have seen the primary reason is the incompatibility of the spouses in the spiritual things !!
    Indeed the spiritual man is the anchor of our natural lives.. indeed we are all spiritual beings , either of the light or of the darkness.. no grey areas as we like to believe !!! Good post bro….keep it coming…
    and if u continue like this .. i may have to take over uer blog and post it in mine…..its GREAT ANOINTED WORD !!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      Agree with the primary reason, so importatn!!!

      • http://www.mathewsnuggets.blogspot.com binsurobinson

        :) I am using your tweets on my blog.. I will post a link to your page on mine..that way..people will be redirected to this page… :) Blessings !

        • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

          Please feel free. Blessings.

  • Maribeth Jesalva

    Thank you Lord Jesus for the wonderful message… So bless and inspired by your word. I will obey You Lord in my marriage life….

  • John

    Thanks Shyju.
    It is very heart breaking to see so many of our own in relationship issues. I only pray the concept of God First Family Second and Ministry/Career/Business third will be applied. Hope to see the divorce rates come down in our generation.

  • Evon

    Good One…..It will be very helpful for every individual. God Bless U Brother

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      Praise Jesus.

  • Ponnamma

    Hi Brother, I liked your blog. Thanks for writing. I come across many people who are facing similar problem in their married life. Some of them share their experience with tears and a heavy heart. But when I shared my testimony with them, they could not believe. Frankly speaking, the reason for my standing firm in my faith is only because of marrying an unbeliever. I spent nearly a decade on my knees spending time in prayers and talking to God for my husband's salvation. On seeing my faith my husband has changed his mind. One day during an early morning prayer in the church, he went to the pastor and said, "pastor I want to take water baptism", that was the happiest day of my life. My husband makes sure that our children too lead a righteous life. He teach them to read the word of God and spend time in prayers. Truly we have experienced God's grace and love in our life….next year is the 25th year of our marriage.
    "Marriage is all about adjustment " , it is important to understand, love and support each other in every situation.
    Proverbs 31:28 , Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

  • TIBI JERRY ABRAHAM

    really good one bro….you have included almost everything but i would like to add just one or two more points ( as a year old married woman:):)…
    1)whenever you pray just THANK GOD for your partner,2) BELIEVE that he/she is THE BEST HALF for you( bcoz Jesus being your own creator only know who can be the BEST partner for you, i said BEST not OKIE or BETTER .) 3) Never ever put ur spouse down in conversation regarding spiritual matters 4) whenever possible say it aloud that " he is the best husband, or you are a blessing in my life" let saitan hear that word from ur own mouth dears and he will definitely flee away with his tricks from ur family .
    be blessed dears
    Thank you shyju mathew for the beautiful article , i cud see the guidence of holyspirit in each sentence. God bless you.

    • Elina

      wow all 3 points r awesome.. esp the 3rd one

      • http://www.mathewsnuggets.blogspot.com binsurobinson

        @Elina :D thats the wisdom of a married woman …
        its fun reading comments ..pretty insightful !!

  • gina leong

    One of the key reason of breakdown in marriage for a christian marrying a non believer is
    due to ' Unequally yoke'. There will be so many controversy issues throughout the marriage for example spiritual part of it, they would not understand why we need to have quiet time, Differences in Lifestyle – can happen whereby non believer spouse can believe in astrology, fortune telling, involve in gambling & drinking liquor, One other issues that can arise is, can partner except spouse giving
    10% tithes to church( l cor 2:14- The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned) , another issue to ponder upon is , A non believer can plan something for example outing with family on a Sunday and the christian spouse will be torn between church and family and very likely to be with family.
    If you are to ask me , what are the chances of a christian seing their non believer spouse saved . My answer will be very low. So far people that I know who were christians instead of praying for partner to be saved have backslided. Blessings!

  • Melvin

    This is a powerful one…

  • Isha

    quite a stunning insight on the subject…and without being married man of God:) God truly speaks!
    Very amazingly you've highlighted that the love OF CHRIST goes beyond every barrier and every height..
    I just wish we took the decision of marriage more seriously (more God centric manner and understood the purpose of marriage itself) to cut short the period of waiting and the pain attached to it.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Shyju Shyju

      :) i've been in the ministry very young so that helps :) dont miss soul ties. Nice to hear from ya. Blessings Isha.

  • Galvin

    HI Pastor Shyju, i really touched that God has sent you Tiny in your life, i will pray for u all….i believe God will do greater things in you all and through you all…..when God has sent you Tiny, He know what your future will come, so dont worry about it, just be happy and indeed, God's words is true and the prophesy did fulfill ^^

  • Prodigal daughter

    Thanks Shyju for this wonderful article. Am a Tamil christian married to a hindu malayali. Just the word christian doest make me a righteous person. Was brought up by very good christian parents. Am the only black sheep in my family. I turn back and c what a wonderful family God has blessed me with. this article is a wake up call for me. Yes, there are mountainous problems which i've been trying to solve on my own rather give them to Jesus. Can't imagine how proud Jesus is about you. I have never done anything for the Lord till now. But I know He loves me. Do pray for me and my family. Thanks.

    • http://shyjumathew.com/blog Shyju

      You can be sure about that JESUS loves you!!!

  • Bernadine

    The post has brought deep new insights into the topic. Learning to bring about the best in the other person is of primary importance, learning to adjust in a relationship, and most of all praying and covering every area of the marriage covenant which the Lord has ordained with the blood and hedge on a daily basis without letting satan have a foothold.

    God bless Brother!!!

  • Locketlee

    Thank you for your awesome article! I came from an atheist family and when we married, we were both unbelievers. Eventually, I became saved while my husband remains an unbeliever. However, after being saved, I did not give God first place in my life and have been distracted by life and my husband. Recently, my husband told me he wants to leave me and the only thing left for me to do is put God first – always. He is the only answer. My husband’s soul is tortured everyday and I see first hand the struggle he is experiencing, but not aware of. I continuously pray for him and have been doing all of the things you have mentioned above. Patience and perseverance is the hardest of all but I know God has put me in this situation for a reason and, by his grace, I believe my husband will come to know the Lord and our marriage will be restored. It will be better than I ever imagined it could be! A quote I heard recently in my Bible study really hit home for this struggle: “True love is choosing to give another person what they need most, when they deserve it the least, and at great personal cost.” That is exactly what Jesus did for us and what I strive to do each day with my husband.

    Thank you for being a blessing to me and to others!

  • Anonymous

    Awesome, thanks for sharing sister.. May God keep you strong for His glory!

  • krish

    Amazing…and very true.Thanks for the wonderful article..god bless u & your ministry

    • http://www.shyjumathew.com Shyju Mathew

      Thanks Krish God bless u too!

  • NR

    This blog is a reminder to me. Thanks for for posting it. I have given enough space for depression and anxiety. It has stolen blessings from me and created nuisance in my life. I will try to overcome it. Thanks again.

    • http://www.shyjumathew.com/ Shyju Mathew

      You are not alone!
      Jesus is with u!!!
      Prayers.