Dear Lord Jesus, Your further nearness is my birthday wish! Your grace, mercy and favour is my identity. If you don’t hold me up, I’ll fall. If you don’t see me through, I’ll fail. If you give up on me, I’m destroyed. You are my rock, my strength and my shield. You are my only reward I seek. You are my world that I live for. You are my oxygen I breathe in. May the day my heart stops beating for you, be the day I die. Yours forever, Me.
In three days I won’t be 30 anymore. More certainly I won’t feel like 30 in my body. Most assuredly I plan on to move on from holding close to the “late twenties” title.
But besides those silly dilemmas, it’s also a new year, with renewed dreams, hope and resilience. In hope against hope to achieve the one and only thing that I have lived for from my youngest of my tender memories – Jesus. His nearness, His smile, to be His pride, the Enoch friendship. Nothing else matters. Everything else fades away.
I admit this has always been a distant dream but also something I want to die trying. I am the least deserving of Him, the least I can give Him is my desires. To replace the highest & the least of my desires with the ‘One desire’. To find the place where I cease to exist & to disappear into Him until I am not seen.
Oh Lord, how long will it take. How many more deaths. To be an epitome of carrying Your presence. What will it cost. I know the answer is and has always been EVERYTHING. While I don’t have the strength to do it on my own, hold my hands as I start this new year.
One by one, step by step, and one day at a time, hide me in the crevice of the Rock and take me to the place beside you.
…are human and any expectations in this frugal world are traps of disappointments. We weren’t made to disappoint but the fallen humanity knows not how to any better way. It’s part of the DNA. Ourselves, our communities, parents, leaders, family, spouses, children – all have that in their DNA. The only person that won’t disappoint us is Jesus. Approaching all things with a steady serving of this reality should be part of life; lest we crouch into a cycle of never ending anticipation, nonfulfillment and apathy towards human beings. That helps you to serve your portion with some love and kindness. It is critical for us to look at every life’s moments through the eyes of Jesus who through Hebrews4:15 says, He understands and unashamedly sympathizes with our weaknesses. Cause when looking through His eyes all things are perfect, unscathed and beautiful.
2016 has been full of sigh’s and wow’s. Disappointments and divine appointments. Woes and joys. Valleys and mountains. Silence and laughter. Lessons and treasures. Grace and mercy. And all of all things the most, the year of Salvation.
Jesus creates the story, we still get to play it out. HE sealed it, we get to stamp it. Irrespective of the curiousity, and the adventures, HE is still the best bet behind the wheel.
So, Jesus take the wheel! Completely.
Hold my hands and lead me home.
Take me to the home you make. Take me to the place you create. Take me to the atmosphere where you are. If there is still a place beside you, please let it be for me.
As the birth of a child to this world is also it’s death to the one it knew for nine months, so has the year of thousand deaths have come and gone…so fast!
And so begins the rebirth. A new chapter. A chapter of hope. For His Word is always true:
…there’s nothing such that. As little as they look, they fill up fast, they devour cars and roads and anything in its way. Yes, exactly…those minuscule harmless snow flakes that greeted me when I got back from Singapore.
“What a mistake we make when we underestimate little as insignificant.” There’s no such thing as harmless little things. Like the sugar sachets that stare at me in this Starbucks caffe. Little by little they destroy you in time.
And time could be man’s biggest friend or enemy. Depending on what side you are on. Months gone by, years wasted, age catching up, all on the boat of a bunch of excuses called “minuscule”!
Abandoning ourselves into His desires over ours is a path of eternal glory. Abandoning us to ourselves is the biggest punishment humanity received at the garden of Eden.