In three days I won’t be 30 anymore. More certainly I won’t feel like 30 in my body. Most assuredly I plan on to move on from holding close to the “late twenties” title.

But besides those silly dilemmas, it’s also a new year, with renewed dreams, hope and resilience. In hope against hope to achieve the one and only thing that I have lived for from my youngest of my tender memories – Jesus. His nearness, His smile, to be His pride, the Enoch friendship. Nothing else matters. Everything else fades away.

I admit this has always been a distant dream but also something I want to die trying. I am the least deserving of Him, the least I can give Him is my desires. To replace the highest & the least of my desires with the ‘One desire’. To find the place where I cease to exist & to disappear into Him until I am not seen.

Oh Lord, how long will it take. How many more deaths. To be an epitome of carrying Your presence. What will it cost.
I know the answer is and has always been EVERYTHING. While I don’t have the strength to do it on my own, hold my hands as I start this new year.

One by one, step by step, and one day at a time, hide me in the crevice of the Rock and take me to the place beside you.


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